


He Loves Me

by Living_On_My_Own



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Non-Consensual Touching, Physical Abuse, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:40:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24916261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_On_My_Own/pseuds/Living_On_My_Own
Summary: He just wanted to feel like he was important, that he was needed, not just some man that's too much. He had been proven that he was worth so much by the man he loved, but it didn't take long for him to be proven otherwise. He was willing to let anyone in just to feel loved.
Relationships: Anita Dobson/Brian May, Brian May/Freddie Mercury, Freddie Mercury/Bill Reid
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

3rd person's POV:

He couldn't seem to get that image out of his mind. That little sentence, accompanied by a little smile, without forgetting the tears in his eyes. But the guitarist didn't seem to notice the pain, the heartbreak, the self-blame, the fight against himself, the words that he now knew were true.

_____

_"Was it a woman?" He asked, already knowing the answer._

_The look on the face of his boyfriend gave it away. He knew that it would eventually happen, no matter how much time people tried convincing him otherwise, he knew it would happen. He knew there'd always be something missing in him, something that would make his partner find somewhere else._

_"I'm sorry." The Persian whispered._

_"Fred..."_

_"I knew it, Brian. I-I told you. I've always told you. I would never be-"_

_He tried to end his sentence, but the other man didn't let him. Enough. That's what he wanted to say. He'd never be enough. And after countless times his lover had told him he was, he had now proved that he was, in fact, right. That he still wasn't enough._

_"It's not true. Don't say that, Freddie. Don't. I'm the one who's sorry." The curly haired man tried to tell him. He did his best to not get affected by the tears on the face of the man he loved. This was such a mess._

_"It's okay." The other replied, but it truly wasn't._

_______

_"He doesn't love me." The older told Roger._

_***_

It took a few months for the singer to find someone else. To try and forget that the one he was in love with, would never love him again. He found another men, in a club, one night. He was called Bill. He seemed sweet enough to all the band mates when he first came in the studio. He held doors, always so sweet with Freddie, kissing him every time he could. Always there when his boyfriend needed him. He looked like a big teddy bear.

But Brian stopped believing him one day.

_______

_He didn't mean to hear anything. He only wanted to go to the bathroom, but he couldn't help but listen when he heard the voice of his ex-boyfriend and Bill._

_"Brian deserved so much better than me anyway." The singer said quietly._

_It was enough for the guitarist to feel horrible._

_"That's exactly why you're lucky I'm here." The broad man said._

_And Brian honestly expected this sentence to turn into a sweet one._

_"I'm here for you when no one wants you." Bill finished._

_The tall man wished his friend would answer, offended, get angry at his boyfriend for saying something so sickly cruel. But he didn't._

_"I know. Thank you for loving me." He answered instead._

_______

Brian didn't say anything when Freddie talked about Bill with love in his eyes to the boys and him.

"He loves me." The dark haired man said smiling.

_***_

It had formed a lump in John's throat when he saw Freddie removing his jumper. The T-shirt the singer was wearing had slightly lifted, and it revealed a large and painful looking bruise. So dark and so large. 

"What happened?" The bassist asked his friend.

The singer had noticed his band mate staring at his waist, he knew he had seen the bruise.

"Oh it's nothing. Bill and I had a fight. He stormed out of the room and our room is so little that he bumped into me and I hit the handle of the cupboard. Nothing serious at all, but he started freaking out, wondering if he had hurt me. You know how he is." The Persian finishes his sentence with a laugh and a comical roll of eyes.

The younger didn't mention that he knew that, a bruise come comes from a big impact, not bumping into someone.

_______

_"You told me you'd be here for fucking dinner, Freddie!"_

_"I was about to, but the boys wanted us to eat something out and I couldn't refuse! We barely spend time together anymore and we needed to work more!"_

_"Your stupid friends are always the most important thing in your life aren't they, Freddie?! What am I? A fucking toy to look pretty?!"_

_"Don't fucking call my friends stupid! You don't know them! You know fucking nothing!"_

_"Don't talk to me like that. You never listen, Freddie. You always do everything your way, you're just a selfish little prick."_

_Bill took him by the shoulders, not ashamed to shove his boyfriend on the nearest cupboard. He didn't bother making sure he wasn't hurt. He stormed out, leaving his lover to fall on the floor, thinking that was what he deserved._

_______

"Tell me, Freddie, if there's something wrong with Bill. Okay?" John had made sure.

The older nodded with a small smile.

"Don't worry." He said.

"He loves me."

_***_

He had walked in the studio, like it was nothing. He sat beside his best friends. He had said hello to them, not bothering to say anything about what everyone else saw as soon as they saw him.

They had all widened their eyes at the bruise on his right cheekbone. He let out a small nervous laugh, his cheeks pinking in embarrassment.

"Did Bill do this?" The blonde man had asked.

"W-We had a fight. It really looks worse than it is guys. I should have known better than to get so mad at him, you know how I can be sometimes. But as soon as he realised what he did he apologised and he was feeling super guilty."

"He didn't mean to hurt me."

_______

_"How dare you fucking cheat on me?! I've never been fucking unfaithful!"_

_"You should be grateful I'm still with you when I could have so much better. I'd get fucking anyone, Freddie."_

_"Well I could too! I'm sure there's plenty of people out there!"_

_The singer didn't really believe in anything he said._

_The sound was loud, none of them were shocked. The Persian's cheek stung. But he knew he brought this onto himself, he deserved it._

_"Baby, no one would want someone like you."_

_______

"Be careful, okay? We just don't want anything happening to you." John explained.

"I swear we're fine."

"He loves me."

_***_

The groan that came out of the singer's lips didn't fail to get noticed by the guitarist. The older kept holding his lower back, trying to find a comfortable position, but he didn't seem achieve to do it.

"Everything okay, Freddie?" Brian asked.

"What? O-oh, yes, yes."

But Brian still eyed him suspiciously.

"Does your back hurt?" He asked.

"Uh, yeah a bit. Rough night." The singer said with a wink.

_______

_"I'm tired Bill, please not tonight."_

_"It's too bad for you babe, because I really want to."_

_"I'm not in the mood."_

_"I am in the mood, Freddie"_

____

_"You're hurting me. Can you be a bit more gentle?"_

_"Really, Freddie?"_

_"Just a bit please."_

_"You're really no fun. Such a bore."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"You better be."_

____

_"You made me bleed, Bill."_

_"Stop fucking complaining, you can be such a baby sometimes."_

_______

"You know you can put your limits, right?" The curly haired man said.

"I'm fine, Brian."

"He loves me."

_______

Roger had only slightly patted him on the back, and they all had seen the dark haired man flinch. They didn't fail to also see the pain on his face. They didn't need to say anything to know it was all because of Bill again. They didn't know they thought of the same thing, but they did.

It seemed to happen now too often, and it kept getting worse and worse. The hurt was never ending, and the three boys now regretted to ever thinking this man could be any good, that he could be the one for Freddie, even if a little more deeply they knew who he was supposed to be with.

_______

_"So you're fucking whoring yourself out now?! And for you ex-boyfriend?!"_

_"I'm not! We only went to get a long walk! That's all! I swear!"_

_"And you had the guts to lie to me! You told me you're be working in the studio, and you were being a complete whore! I told you, you and your friends are never gonna go anywhere further! They'll get tired of you, Freddie! They'll leave and you'll only have me left, if you fucking learn how to behave!"_

_He didn't hesitate to take his boyfriend's wrist in his hand tightly. And without an other word, his fist reached the stomach of his lover, cutting him off from any air. But it wasn't enough, nothing ever was. He removed his belt with a clatter, making the smaller shiver from the pain that would soon hit him._

_He let his boyfriend remove his T-shirt. He let his lover place him as he wanted him on the bed. And when he felt the cold metal against his burning hot skin, he couldn't hold back the scream he wanted to let out. It was way too painful._

_"Shut up, or I'll make it even worse."_

_The pianist did his best to silence himself, to really hold back any sounds when the pain was too much. At the end, he could feel small trickles of blood sliding down his aching back. He let his boyfriend bring him in the shower, clean him up. He ignored the agonising pain on his back when the water fell down._

_And he tried falling asleep, without arms around him, with only a few of his thoughts._

_'That's what I deserve anyway.' He told himself._

_______

"Still going well with Bill?" John had asked.

"Yeah."

"He loves me."

_***_

It must have been being on tour that brought back all the memories to Freddie. Because the last time they were on tour, he was happy, with Brian. There were no bruises on his body, no pain when he saw the curly haired man, no one to make him unhappy, or so he thought. But there was always that woman, Anita. She had always been there probably. Waiting for Freddie to leave so she could take from him the only person that could truly make him happy.

But he was here with his boyfriend. His body was aching, he hated to see the one he truly loved, and he wasn't happy. But he didn't want his relationship to end. It was the last thing that kept him sane. The last thing that could make him feel loved, only at least one bit. Maybe it was the only amount of love he really deserved.

_______

_"Do you love me, Brian?"_

_"Of course I do, why would you ask that?"_

_"Because, there's plenty of people that could make me so much happier."_

_"Freddie... We already talked about that. I love you, okay? You make me already so happy. You're more than enough for me and you deserve the whole fucking world."_

_"I love you too."_

_"Well I hope so, baby."_

_And the conversation ended with a kiss and the biggest grins on both of their faces._

_______

"He must love you very much." The barman said after hearing their story.

"He cheated on me with a woman. I must have been a joke to him."

"He never really loved me."

_***_

They all wore worried faces while looking at his seeping brow bone and his necklace of black blue and purple marks. It was also the pain in his rib each time he breathed. They wanted him to go to a hospital, to get himself checked, but he refused. He was fine. It was only Bill's way to show him he loved him. It was nothing. It was just a bit of pain, he could handle it.

"Freddie, you may need stitches." Brian said sweetly.

But the pain only made him mad.

"And since when do you care?!" He yelled with his hoarse voice.

He coughed, not letting any of them helping him. He was fine. He could take care of himself, he always had. He didn't need them. They didn't understand a thing. They didn't know a thing about this. Because it was his fault it had happened. He deserved this.

_______

_"He told me you kissed an other man. What rights do you have to do that to me?!" Bill yelled gripping on the wrist of his smaller boyfriend._

_"I'm sorry, Bill. I was drunk! I swear!"_

_"Do you know how much I gave up for you?!" The broad man shouted, only getting angrier._

_His fist collided with the eye of the older. An other one with his chest. He was livid, he saw red. Maybe his boyfriend would learn this time. He pushed him against the nearest wall, both of his hands holding tightly on his neck._

_"I'm sorry, Bill. Please stop. I didn't mean to!" The singer cried, his face going red._

_He couldn't breathe. Maybe it was because his boyfriend was trying to choke him, maybe it was because of the pain, maybe it was because he didn't want to breathe. He closed his eyes tightly, it was what he needed to endure in order to be loved. If he let go, it would be fine._

_His neck was release, he thought Bill had calmed down, but he was wrong. He coughed, the aching in his throat only slightly decreasing. It's only when the singer opened his eyes again that he saw what was happening. Bill was knocked out on the floor. And the three of his band mates were now in the room too._

_"Are you okay, love?" Had asked John, but he had heard him like they were miles away._

_______

"I'm fine." The Persian quietly stated.

He looked at his lover, on the floor, not moving. He felt bad for him, he wasn't doing anything wrong. Freddie deserved it, he shouldn't have done what he did.

"He loves me." He didn't know if he was trying to convince his friends or himself.

"People don't hurt the ones they love." Roger had said.

The dark haired man didn't fail to notice Brian looking away uncomfortably. He had hurt him. If Roger was right, then Brian really never loved him.

"Nobody loves me." He had whispered loud enough for himself only to hear.

_***_

Both of Freddie's parents had looked at his neck in worry. They weren't close to him, but they could see the purple and red spot on his neck. It wasn't that big, but big enough to look like it hurt.

"Is he treating you well, Farrokh?" Jer asked her son with a small frown visible on her face.

It had taken aback the musician, but he quickly looked at his parents and nodded.

_______

_The sun was beaming through the window. They should have been both already up, but they didn't feel like it. They wanted to be lazy, cuddled up in each other's arms. The pianist had his head against the chest of his partner, he loved to hear his heartbeat._

_The tall man couldn't help but get his mouth closer to the neck of his lover, quickly moving to suck on the soft skin. He let the other man bring him into a kiss when he felt like it, their pairs of lips colliding to share a bit of their body to the other. Hands wandered around, the younger's once found the bottom of the Persian, but no one complained. They slowly pulled to finally breathe a bit._

_"I can't get enough of you, baby."_

_"I love you so much, Bri."_

_"And how I love you, Freddie. I love you so so much, baby. Forever." The guitarist had said before giving an other kiss to his boyfriend._

_______

"He treats me so well, mama." The singer had said with the biggest smile in the world.

"He loves me."


	2. Chapter 2

3rd person's POV:

Brian's head was all over the place. He couldn't help but think about it again. He couldn't help but remember how Freddie used to act just before everything turned into a mess. How happy he seemed to be. He really had ruined everything good they had.

_____

_The music was only a faint sound. The guitarist immediately recognised it. He knew his boyfriend loved it so much. And truly, Brian wished he wrote it, because it said everything he felt for Freddie. It described perfectly the amount of love he felt toward the shy singer._

_"You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you." The British man smiled at the sound of his lover's singing._

_He removed his coat and shoes. As quietly as possible, he walked toward the sounds, very clearly coming from the kitchen. When he finally saw what was exactly happening, he couldn't help but stare. The older man looked utterly beautiful, dancing and singing with the sun shining on him, like a spotlight only lighting him up._

_The Persian smiled when he realised his boyfriend was standing near to him. He put his arms around his neck and brought their lips together in a sweet kiss. The pianist took them both to the living room, he pushed the younger on the couch, Freddie sitting himself up on his lap. He never wanted their lips to separate._

_"I love you so fucking much, Brian." He whispered with the biggest smile on his face._

_"What has gotten into you?" The other laughed, but he couldn't complain about it, he loved it when his boyfriend acted this way._

_The smaller man shrugged with a grin laying on his lips. He only brought his body closer and so tightly wrapped his arms around the chest of the man he loved. He felt good like that, warm and loved. He felt like nothing could ruin that ever again._

_"I needed to talk to you, Freddie. It's important."_

_He didn't move._

_"I'm serious, Freddie. We really need to talk." Brian said quietly._

_Freddie pulled away. He looked in Brian's eyes worriedly. He always could read so well in his eyes, understanding exactly what he was thinking. But this time he saw nothing. His stomach churned, he could feel there was something, something bad was involved._

_"What wrong?" He asked almost silently._

_The frown didn't leave his face. He stared, waiting to be answered finally. He wanted it to be done, so they could move on and they could continue their cuddle moment. So they could go and prepare dinner and it eat it while watching some stupid tv show._

_"I'm sorry, Freddie." It was always a bad thing when the first thing coming out was an apology._

_"I cheated on you." He whispered._

_He barely had any time to say anything before he was interrupted._

_"Of course."_

_____

When the tall man bursted out in the room, he felt his heart burst out too, but not in a good way. Freddie looked so scared, but he was immobile. He let his boyfriend hurt him, take all the life out of him, and he didn't bulge. Bill's hands around the musician's neck wouldn't have let him move anyway.

Brian didn't have enough time to do anything before Roger pounced, his fist tight quickly connecting with Bill's jaw. The broad man quickly released his grip on his boyfriend. He fell down, tried fighting back, but the angry drummer didn't let him. It was only maybe a second after that John arrived. He made Freddie sit down. He took his face in his hands, asking him if he was fine. But he got no answer.

The guitarist stayed watching, not knowing what to do. He eventually closed the door of the room. Bill was already unconscious, Freddie still silent. Brian tried being helpful, telling his best friend about needing to go to the hospital. They all flinched when the singer yelled back. They all watched when he looked blankly at the wall, looking like he was thinking, remembering maybe. And none of them liked it when his hand got to his neck with a tremble.

"I'm fine." He said quietly.

"He loves me."

Roger only shook his head disapprovingly. Brian looked away. But he wasn't prepared for what John was going to say. When he told Freddie that people didn't hurt the ones they loved. It sent some kind of shiver down Brian's spine. He knew John was somewhat also talking about him, silently telling him he was an idiot.

The lanky man must have had some super power, or he was hearing wonderfully. Because his heart broke when the Persian said so quietly only a few words. But god, in some way, they were as loud as anything.

"Nobody loves me."

But Brian didn't say anything. All four of them eventually went back to the hotel. The guitarist followed Freddie to his room. He told him to open the door, to let him in so they could talk. Brian didn't really want to look at the pianist sometimes, he could see bruises already forming on his neck, his eyebrow slightly swollen, his eyes almost pleading.

"What did you want to talk about?" Freddie asked while sitting on his bed.

He didn't bear to look at Brian. It only seemed to hurt more now. He didn't know why. It just hurt so much. Maybe it was just his rib really, maybe he mixed everything up. He wished to make his friend get away from him, because he knew it was making everything worse, he didn't love him.

"You need to leave him, Freddie." Brian said bluntly.

A loud and sharp intake of air coming from Freddie made the curly haired man shudder. He thought about turning around and walking away to just ignore everything for a few seconds. But he decided it wasn't a good idea at all. He needed to keep Freddie safe. It was his goal from the beginning, why hadn't he done it until now?

"Why are you here? Why do you stay?" Freddie asked.

"Because I love you."

"Don't. Please don't be so cruel." The smaller man sharply said, hiding his face with his hands.

"But it's true. Since the beginning. I'm an asshole, okay? I fucked everything up for nothing. I gave up on the thing that mattered the most to me for a woman I barely even knew. And I don't want her, Freddie, I want you."

It happened all so quickly. Freddie's hands out of his face. Brian's lips on his. Both of them giving themselves completely in the kiss. Lost in each other's touch.

They pulled away.

"I love you too, Brian."

Maybe he trusted him too quickly, but when the guitarist asked him to be his boyfriend, he immediately said yes.

_____

He only slightly looked at his boyfriend from the corner of his eye. He was sitting on the couch, beside him, but too far away. Another person would have enough place to sit between them, and that simply wouldn't do.

He brought his hand up to the beautiful curls of the Persian. They were so soft and he hoped he could smell them. Only because he knew he'd be able to smell the shampoo Freddie seemed to love, and that Brian secretly loved smelling on him. He would never get tired of passing his hands through the older's hair.

It seemed to work perfectly, because only seconds later, the singer was looking at him with the most adorable face. The guitarist held out his arms, wanting his lover to just lay in his arms. And he did, without an hesitation. His head sat on Brian's chest, going up and down with each breathe. They both found it soothing.

"Do you love me?" The older whispered, he didn't seem older when he asked it.

"Of course I love you, Freddie. So so much."

"I love you too." Freddie said smiling sweetly.

Only an hour later, the Persian was long asleep. The taller man brought him to their bedroom, carefully laying him down so he wouldn't wake up. He wrapped his arms around the small body of his boyfriend. He smelled his hair and smiled, the smell of the shampoo filling completely his nose.

The next day

It was surprisingly quiet for a morning. Usually everyone was awake, doing something productive. But even at 10 am, both men were still laying down on their huge and comfortable bed. Legs tangled together, naked skin warm because of the contact, neither wanted to ever get up. It felt so good, to be finally happy, together.

"Maybe we should go and eat." The younger offered.

The grunt that came out of his lover's mouth made him chuckle. The singer surely wouldn't move a finger. So Brian let his mouth fall on the neck of the man he loved. He sucked hardly but sweetly at the smooth skin. It was already starting to darken. The sound that came out of Freddie's mouth drove him mad and he traced with his thumb the dark mark he had left.

He let his other hand wander, ending up on the bottom of his lovely boyfriend. He brought closer, if it even was possible. He put Freddie under him. His hands rubbed the chest of the smaller man, body hair getting in the way, but Brian simply loved it. His fingers delicately traced patterns on his skin.

"You're so beautiful, baby." The taller whispered.

Freddie took Brian's hand in his. He brought it to his lips, leaving gentle kisses on it. He secretly missed the white nails. He missed sharing something so sweet with Brian, having something that was only his and Brian's. It was their thing, he wished they'd still do it.

"I miss your white nails." Freddie smiled.

"I do too." Brian answered which made the singer giggle.

Freddie sighed deeply. He turned on his stomach, burying his face in the pillow under his head. Brian's hands lightly touched his back. Freddie didn't realise what his boyfriend was really looking at.

''Do they still hurt?'' The younger asked.

The scars.

''Don't touch them, Brimi, they're disgusting.'' Freddie whispered while trying to cover his back with the blanket, but Brian didn't let him.

The lips of the guitarist brushed against the scarred skin of the singer. He kissed each scar with so much love, it made the Persian want to cry.

''They're a part of you, and you're beautiful. So they're beautiful too.'' Brian quietly stated.

He made his boyfriend turn and face him.

"You don't have to pretend that you love me. I know it's such a nuisance to love me, Brian."

It made a frown form on the face of the younger. His hand sweetly moved against the singer's cheek. He looked incredibly beautiful in that moment. Lips all pink and plumped, eyes adorable. He wondered why they were shining.

"It's not a nuisance at all, baby. I love you and I wouldn't want it any other way. I couldn't be happier than with you in my arms." Brian stated.

"Why did you do it?" Freddie asked so quietly.

Brian knew the question would eventually pop up. He knew Freddie would feel the need to know, make sure it wasn't because of him, that his lover hadn't gotten tired of him. The taller man sometimes felt it suffocating when Freddie felt so insecure, when he'd ask so often if any of this was real, if he really was enough. But he didn't let himself show it, he knew his boyfriend didn't do it on purpose and he needed to know he was loved and that he was doing the right thing.

"I think it was just with everything going with Hot Space, I kind wanted to get sort of my revenge, I was hurt. I'm aware it was really stupid." The musician confessed.

The singer nodded understandingly. He didn't hesitate to bring the other man closer to him, to bury his face in the crook of Brian's neck and to only slightly wrap his legs around him. It felt all warm inside him and he didn't need to worry anymore about having to make so much effort for this to happen. He didn't feel like he needed to think about his every word to make sure he wasn't being stupid or arrogant, or only too himself.

"Gosh, I love you, baby." The poodle haired man said in almost a growl.

"I love you too, Brimi."

It took everything for Brian to decide and get up, not without Freddie still in his arms. If the pianist wouldn't want to get up to eat, then he'd carry him to the kitchen himself. So he did, and honestly, it wasn't very hard with how light Freddie was. He made his giggly boyfriend sit on the counter.

"Now we're at the same height. Not that I'm not in love with your littleness." Brian said with a smirk on his happy face.

"I'm not that little." Freddie pouted, but he truly loved how much Brian made him feel good about himself.

He slid off the counter, not without lazily kissing the guitarist. Freddie took out some ingredients for the cupboards, maybe he could try and finally cook something edible. He smiled when arms were wrapped around his waist, Brian's chin on his head.

He didn't get so far because of how the flour bag exploded, or how almost the whole pint of milk went in the mixing bowl. He wiped the sweat out of his forehead, grunting when the younger laughed at him. He obviously didn't notice that he had gotten flour all over his face. He really couldn't cook for his life, at least Brian just found him even more adorable because of it. So he turned around to smack his arms and shoot him a shy smile.

"God, marry me, baby." Brian said, wiping away any of the white powder (flour, if precision is needed).

It made Freddie giggle.

"I don't have a fucking ring and I'm not being romantic at all, but marry me, Freddie. Because you're the sweetest, the cutest, the prettiest, you're absolutely amazing and perfect, baby."

The blush on the singer's face made him even more beautiful, matching the colour of his lips, making his eyes pop out even more. Brian felt the tickle of Freddie's moustache against his upper lip. He really didn't need an answer as they shared a bit of the flour that had gotten in Freddie's mouth. Brian couldn't ever feel happier than he was feeling right now, with the man he loved.

"My parents are gonna ask about the hickey on my neck later."The singer laughed.

And when they did, he answered honestly this time, telling them:

"He loves me."


End file.
